Am still just miserable about something that happened yesterday.
So, yesterday afternoon Friend T and I took our kids to the Sure Start play afternoon. Sure Start is run by the government, it targets 0-5 year olds to help them get a better start, so it has lots of groups, some for everyone, some for, for example, teenage parents, social skills classes for toddlers, twins groups etc. Its main aim is to help disadvantaged children, although, there was a study out a couple of years ago saying that it had mostly failed in this because not only were such families not accessing Sure Start activities, but because most early years funding was going into it that the places where such families went were closing or were underfunded. Not sure if that is the case anymore, I know the toddler group I used to go to has made use of various Sure Start grants.
I actually stopped going to the babies group they run because it annoyed me. There were loads of staff in comparison to the mums because they were there to help mums and babies interact. I know I’m an arrogant bitch opinionated about things, but forgive me if I thought I was a bit beyond having some only just out of their teens “childcare professional” who could barely string a coherent sentence together look down at me because my child cannot sit unaided at 6 months (they can’t all you know!). Or get frowned at by the leader because my child was more interested in the toys during Singing Time and I didn’t enforce Singing Time because I really didn’t feel it was necessary for his development to sit staring adoringly into my face while I did a bad rendition of Twinkle Twinkle complete with finger movements (for those who know me, that’s the finger movements they taught us, I wasn’t expressing my feelings 
)
Anyway, for the purposes of this story, there is also an organisation called Home Start to help parents who are having problems, and, according to the website, is “non-judgmental” which I assume explains what I am about to tell you, even though this doesn’t actually fall under my own perception of what is non-judgmental.
So, at the fun day they had a big paddling pool (G was the first in, as Friend T predicted, although she was off the mark in saying he’d do it fully clothed, he has form, though, so she can be forgiven). The pool was in a circle of log things so parents could sit around it. Now there were two young mothers there, and I mean young, I’m not even sure they were 16, and of course one had the requisite 30something year old boyfriend (am I jaded from where I grew up, possibly). One of the children was most likely 2 and he was scared stiff of the water. The parent and a friend stood him in it and he cried the whole time, they moved on to splashing him (quite gently), he was getting more distressed, the mother picked him up and tried jumping him up and down in it, he was doing anything to try to not get his feet back in the water. Then she tried to lay him down in it, his feet just crawled up her body and he was shaking. I feel sick inside just thinking about it. They were having a laugh about him being scared of the water, but, the thing that I can’t get out of my mind is the three Home Start workers, sitting there and having a laugh along with them. What The Fuck?
The child was so distressed I felt sick inside, and the people who should have known better were encouraging it. The people could’ve just said something innocuous and supportive like “Aw, he’s really not enjoying it, why don’t you just take him out”, but no. If they didn’t want to say anything they could’ve moved away, or kept quiet and “not noticed” it, but no, by their laughter they were encouraging it. I gave them (the workers) dirty looks, and I’m quite good at those, but to my shame I said nothing, mostly because I know I would’ve been in the wrong, being judgmental and causing trouble. I don’t believe giving people a clue if they have none is being judgmental. I don’t blame the parent, I am not judging her because I can probably surmise from her child, her looks, her clothes, her boyfriend, her age, how she came to be where she is now and how sad it is for her. However, one of the Home Start people did catch my eye and stopped laughing. Hollow “victory”.
But all I can think about is that child being so distressed and his mother who is supposed to be his support, protector, his safe haven, is deliberately putting him through that, and the grown-ups around are laughing. This is why if I see children in difficulties at the park, fallen over, or, one time, stuck hanging upside down on monkey bars, I do not go in for this modern oooh that’s someone elses child better not touch them, I go and help them. How horrible it must be to be stuck, or hurt, or upset, and all these adults around doing nothing, giving the impression of not caring even if they do and are just hampered by all the modern baggage. (It works other ways too, I’ve also told children off in the street and by goodness if my child was doing something wrong I’d expect adults to tell him off!)
I most certainly do not buy into the “get them used to” or “toughen them up” approach when they are tiny (I am an introduce things gradually when they are old enough to be reasoned with type with a strong line in “does it really matter?!”) if they are really upset about something. That child is more likely to have more of a fear of water now.
So, Home-Start-people-I-will-probably-never-meet-again, you should be ashamed of yourselves.
